This is my first season of watching the Amazing Race. So, even though I've watched an episode here and there under the guise of "what's this about?", this is the first episode I've ever really watched. Am I going to keep watching it? Probably. Why? Because there's nothing else on Sunday nights worth watching (The Simpsons is, of course, excluded, but I won't be blogging about it. Some things must remain sacred whether they deserve it or not).
I'm assuming I'm the last person on the planet to watch this show. I mean that literally, with all consideration for those living outside the warm glow of American TV, I am the last person to watch this show. Even so, in the interest of doing things the "right way" I'll give a quick overview of the show concept: Eleven "teams of two" or "pairs" race across various "places" competing in "events". Every once in a while a team gets eliminated by not completing an event fast enough and eventually someone is crowned "America's fastest tourist".
This season they start in Boston, or some coastal town near Boston with a name that I'm sure is not spelled at all like it sounds. They're put on boats... or some of them are put on boats -Aside: I'll level with you, I didn't know I was going to start a blog again today, so I wasn't taking notes. I'll further level with you, you won't get a much higher level of detail in future blogs than you are here... it's just the way I role... my wife's hot, I don't need your approval. So they're all on boats or something for some reason and we get to find out what makes them a "team of two" or "pair". It breaks down like this:
Three pairs of people "dating".
One pair has only been dating 8 months, just bought a house together, are painfully boring, and he's going to propose to her during the race. One pair has a lot of tattoos, doesn't want to be judged by their tattoos and are stupid. The third pair does something else.
Three pairs of parent/child.
One pair is an Asian immigrant and his first generation son that are an "internet sensation" for some reason. One pair is a man and his daughter that is the reigning "Ms. Somewhere" and is horrible, and the last pair is a "Biological Mother/Biological Daughter" pair that just met, and yikes.
Three pairs of "Best Friends"
Now, I'm pretty darn sure (and The Wife backs me up) that all three of these pairs of "Best Friends" are "Gay Couples"... Of course, by "Gay Couples" I mean that they are gay couples. The couples, in order of "most definitely a gay couple" to "probably at least one of them is gay, maybe they fooled one time after a few too many drinks at a frat party their friend Brad invited them to that was totally heinous", are:
Couple one- The "so definitely gay that it's hard not to include gay as part of the description of them" pair of black actors from LA. They got elimi.... OOH! Spoiler alert!... They got eliminated because they couldn't find Eastnor Castle... but let's be honest, who can?
Couple two- The pair of hot lesbian doctors who are lesbians, and doctors, and really not all that hot, but their real lesbians, so they get measured on a different scale. Also the whole thing allows The Wife to make jokes about hot "doctor on doctor" action.
Couple three- the pair of A Capella singers from an unnamed Ivy league school (Hint: I think it was I don't care). Probably not gay, probably just really nerdy and awkward. -Aside: I know, the conventional way to do the "fooled around and tried gay sex in college" is the lesbian doctors, but I'm nothing if not unconventional.
So now you're asking; "What's your point, homophobe?" it's this: I think it's interesting that 25% of the teams on the show are gay couples, yet they still insist on calling them "Best Friends"... that's all. And I'm afraid of things that are different from me.
So back to the show... oh yeah, there's two other pairs, one of them is a beach volley team of bitches and the other is a pair of home shopping network co-hosts one of which gets hit in the face with a water melon hard enough to make me ask "what's the worst case scenario for getting hit in the face with a watermelon?" followed by "How could she possibly have gotten hit in the face with a watermelon?".
The challenge went like this; drive from coastal town no one outside of New England can pronounce or cares about to Logan airport (which is a place people go to get out of New England). Get on a plane and fly to London. Thank God you're no longer in New England. Go to Stonehenge -Important side note: tattooed girl from the tattooed team tells the camera "yesterday I'd never heard of Stonehenge, now I've got to find it?"... Ok, first: bullshit. There's no way, NO WAY!! she's never heard of Stonehenge, which raises the only logical question: Why would she lie about that? Did the tattoos tell her to do it? Are they gunning for The Amazing Race most improved trophy? Does tattooed man have an unreasonable hatred of people that know anything about England? I don't have an explanation. If I were a betting man, I'd go with option B.
So, they go to Stonehenge, then to Eastnor castle which is a castle built in the late 1800's for some reason. They then had to climb a ladder while people dressed as peasants threw dirty water on them (they were put in a harness and given helmets for the purpose of climbing the ladder... I don't have a joke). After they got up the ladder they had to grab their flag from the battlements (tattooed girl to the people dressed as peasants: "Which one of you is the battlement"?).So at this point, the teams have their flags and are pulling themselves across a moat in what the show host refers to as authentic boats of the period but were essentially upside down trash can lids. This raises two questions: one- what period? and two- really?
So after that, we got some watermelon flinging, and watermelon face hitting, then the gay, black, actors from LA went home... the end.
First blog in the books... NEXT BLOG!
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